big butt fairy

Some Humor
I have neglected to write anything that would have you LOLROTF (laughing out Loud, Rolling on the floor) In quite some time. In my defense I think I have a good excuse two of them actually and since it is breast Cancer awareness month I thought it would be totally inappropriate to share their sad story so I will have to share mine.
First off-comes the bra- no not really- but in a sense you have to do something to nurse your new baby, they have these cool little flaps on your bra to help you feed the suckers. And Suckers they are. Every time they decided it would be a good time to eat, you have to go through what should rightfully be described as having your two girls slammed in a door every 4 hours. Then when any one of your dear other children decided to whine-which is about every 5 minutes, your chest feels like it is being pumped full of lead from behind and then squeezed in a vice until it almost bursts and then sometimes it does and you have to go change your flappy bra, and your blouse, or else smell like sour milk the rest of the day. And just when you thought your end guns were going to be sucked right off you suddenly had an epiphany and lightning hits your brain and you remember the little tube of Lanolin that the hospital sent you home and the lady from la leche stern warning to use it, and use it often, or else your nursers would just fall off. As soon as you got home from the hospital though, your toddler found the tube and instantly began teething on it and now you have no idea where it might be. The up side to all of this is you get your whole house clean while looking for the microscopic tube of magic feel good lotion, and you find the remote so now your dear hubby doesn’t have to get up to change the station between the MLB playoffs and Sunday night Football, both the teams he wanted to win lost by the way and put him a very moody mood, and then he complains to you about YOUR hormones and you shoot him one of those looks. You are just so grateful that your night sweat days finally got the notice from corporate to cease and desist because it was getting really old having to change the sheets every day.
Then I have to talk about the visit to the doctor after I had the baby. He gave me some pills to help my milk supply because I am not making enough milk and guess what these nifty little pills do- They give you some AMAZING gas. Yes we are talking about FART TANK quality explosions. And lots of them. My kids have gotten a bad case of the giggles lately because they think it is a total Gas when ever mommy lets one or maybe half a dozen of them go. Then at the mean doctors office they make you get on a contraption they have the guts to call a scale, and then they have the nerve to move the sliders around, and the nurse has the gall to call out your weight while writing it down on your chart. Yes the big butt fairy has come around like clockwork this past nine months and the little butt genie is locked in some cave of wonders in the middle of the Sahara desert. Not to mentions every time somebody watches Peter Pan they all start clapping and yelling “I believe in Fairy’s!” keeping those big butt fairies healthy and strong then at Christmas we are all ringing bells and giving those fairies their wings so they can fly around and widen our wide loads. If those Babies wouldn’t laugh and have their laughs break into a thousand pieces and become fairies then we would never see our babies cute dimples and we would not continue to nurse the little suckers. Thank goodness I found the little bottle of Lanolin- it was in my diaper bag the whole time and Wyatt and I are doing MUCH better.
Love Monica
PS Sorry about making more Big Butt Fairies.